Saturday, March 6, 2010

Bad food habits today

We really, really, really need to go grocery shopping, but since I don't like doing it while I'm hungry, and I'm always hungry, it keeps getting put off. However, today I went to Taco Bell twice, almost three times (the last time I varied it up and went to Panda Express). Chalupas were definitely my thing today, like Mickey D's french fries with my own homemade ranch were the day before. However, fast food isn't just expensive, it's not very healthy. Granted, I order one thing per visit. I got one chalupa per visit, because I don't have the appetite to eat more than what I need to appease my hunger. I'm very happy sitting at about a quarter tank, sometimes half. Anything higher than that and it's likely to come back up.

My parents are in town. I'm pretty sure I appalled them by giving the finger to this truck driver who not only tried to kill us once, but twice. We were on his left side, there's no excuse for him not checking his mirror, we were plainly visible. The first time he cut us off entirely and we had to slam on the brakes to avoid getting hit. The second time he was stuck behind a car going slower than the driver wanted to, so he put his blinker on and proceeded to start to move over. Didn't even check. Both times I leaned over and honked the horn on David's behalf. The second time I rolled down my window and flipped him the bird. I don't know what came over me, I've only ever done that once before. I blame raging hormones. Literally, raging. I think it comes from childhood anguish over my parents never getting me a puppy. Wait. They did. So it must stem from the anguish over never getting a horse of my very own. Wait. I did. So apparently I'm just hot-blooded. Quick, everyone who didn't know that about me drop dead right now! Ok, now look around. Are we missing anybody? No? I didn't think so.

I think it's time to start reading my philosophy books again. I think I could use some perspective on motivations, objects, money, and life in general. Sometimes I can be objective enough to be the calm, soothing person I'd like to be. But I haven't been practicing much of late, and as unnatural as such behavior is to me it does require a concerted effort not to do the most fun/radical/reaction-worthy thing. I am a woman of extremes. All or nothing. But that's not the way of the world. Much better to learn to live with life's ups and downs that to respond with such passion over things that don't matter at all.

I've taken an Ambien and hope I will sleep through the whole night without waking tonight. Wish me luck!


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