Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A jumble of decisions

First, I'm trying to decide whether to keep the title of this blog (and the address) as Baby Entropy or to change it back to Big Mac Baby. I changed it when David and I were going through our rough spot and I wasn't sure whether it was going to be a Big Mac Baby. And now I'm undecided about changing it back. On the one hand, Baby Entropy is what my parents called me when I was little, but Big Mac Baby is more distinguishable as our family.

Second, I'm torn between three different crib bedding sets. I thought it was just two, Lambs and Ivy Enchanted Forest and Forest Friends by Carters. But then, in looking at accessories I found another set very similar to Forest Friends called Tree Tops. I'm inclined away from Enchanted Forest because it is a six piece set, and I don't need a diaper stacker. Tree Tops is only acceptable for a boy, in my eyes. Both the Forest Friends and Tree Tops have blankets that look suitable for when we've converted the crib to a toddler bed, whereas Enchanted Forest's seems a little on the small side. But blankets I will have in abundance, I already have three, plus the one that come with the bedding set, plus any that I make. Forest Friends and Tree Tops being so similar they will probably have interchangeable extra pieces, which makes the decision easier in some respects, but also doesn't lend itself to helping me choose one over the other. They're all so cute! I cannot choose! I'm considering purchasing two so I can see them in person and then returning one. Luckily I have quite a bit of time before I even need to start a formal registry. For the time being I'm just keeping a list for myself.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Stroller Pick

I went to Babies R Us with Carrie tonight and after perusing just about every other stroller in the place I finally went down the right aisle and found the one that I want. It's a jogging stroller with just about every option I could possibly want, with the exception of being able to have baby face you while you're pushing. But there are only two types of strollers that do that: The Graco Flip It, which, while cool, is as no frills as you can get (it doesn't even have a drink holder), and the Kolcraft Contours 3-Wheel Stroller, which is a very close runner up, as it flips and is a jogging stroller. However, the Jeep Liberty Limited 3-Wheel All Terrain Stroller has two storage compartments, one which is in place to catch dropped toys, and an MP3 player...these reasons do not stand up when I write them down. Both are capable of becoming a travel system by being compatible with most infant car seats. Ok, well, I suppose there is more. Just looking at them the Jeep is much more trail capable and a has lot more storage. And there's just something about the look of it...I don't know, I just like it better. As much as I wanted a stroller that flips, I really, really want this Jeep stroller. So instead of going with a standard travel system and buying a jogging stroller separately, I can make my own travel system. It's fantastic! It's tall, so David won't have to bend over so much to push it. Even I get back cramps hunched over some of the shorter strollers. And being in Colorado, those wheels are going to come in handy. So here's to my first big decision on baby stuff. Oh, and of course, the deciding factor, it's made by Jeep. This stroller is officially on the list.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Intelligender and Appointments

I had an appointment this morning, and we heard the heartbeat again! It's so cool every time. I am getting a bit of grief because my pain doctor in Cleveland prescribed me Oxycontin and prolonged use of it during me pregnant can leave to the baby going through withdrawal. However, as I explained to my midwife, no one is giving me any other options. My choices are take the pain medication or take nothing. Taking nothing isn't an option and as much as everyone loves to complain about my "choice" in medication, no one is willing to suggest something else. I told her that without the medication I was unable to take care of myself and it was unsafe for me to live alone. I would either need to live in a hospital or clinic with constant monitoring or I would need to nurse to be at the house at all times. She said she can't do that. I told her that basically I was being told to go home and suffer alone, and that is unacceptable. I am not happy about the potential effects on my baby, but what other choice do I have? None!

On a much more positive note, I took the Intelligender urine test this morning and it says that Baby Entropy is a boy! I guess we'll just have to wait and see what the ultrasound says in another four weeks, give or take a little.

Monday, April 12, 2010

You Make Me Want to Live

I'm not trying to be depressing, I just heard this song and thought it summed up how I feel about my baby. I'd be lying if I said that sometimes that wasn't the only thing getting me though. It's been a hard couple months, with some even harder ones still to come. And I still feel pretty damn hopeless, until I think of you.


You Lyrics



So this new pain doctor was a bust. He agrees with Dr. Ripp and everyone else. There's nothing to be done. It's acceptable that I have to get rid of my pets, hire people to take care of my house, and rely on friends and volunteers to be able to eat, shop, or do much of anything. Well...205ish days until I can get an epidural. Then I'll have some relief. But at this point that's all I have to look forward to.

His advice: try to eliminate stress from my life. Well let me think about this, what stresses me out the most? Hmmm...let's think really hard...could it be PAIN? The disappointment is becoming overwhelming. I don't have any more tears to cry. Now I just get a burning in my throat, it doesn't make it to my eyes.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Not baby related, but hey

I don't understand why I'm supposed to pump myself full of anti-nausea medication when the only thing that gets rid of my nausea is eliminating my pain. You cannot treat one without treating the other. They are inexplicable bound. Let's hope I can get that point across at my appointment tomorrow. I really hope so! I'm hoping for something better than what I have now. We'll see how it goes. I also need to go buy some jeans and take the dogs by Camp BowWow for their interview. Carrie said she would go shopping with me, I'm hoping that she'll accompany me on the rest as well. That's a lot of work to do on my own. À bientôt!

11 weeks

So babycenter says that my baby is working on being two inches long this week. Two whole inches! I keep holding my thumb up to my abdomen and thinking, "No way!" How can there possibly be a baby that size in my belly already? How can baby be that big without showing yet? Wowzers!

I got a lot done today (for me). I sorted all the laundry that had been piling up, and managed to get a load done. I loaded and ran the dishwasher. And I was able to go out to Walgreens to get a freezie (my craving recently). On a downer note, my pump isn't working properly. I called the nurse and told her what was going on, but, of course, when I had her on the phone it worked fine. Five minutes later it was doing the same thing, but I haven't called back because, quite frankly, she was very condescending. She acted like what I was telling her couldn't possibly be what was happening, and she was patronizing when she was here earlier today too. She kept commenting on my housekeeping, as if I don't know my house is messy, and as if I have a choice in the matter. I do what I can when I can, and you would think she would have more sympathy for people in rough situations. AND she did a terrible job changing my bandage. I was having an allergic reaction to the tape adhesive and she didn't even go to the trouble of cleaning all of the adhesive off of my arm or off of the PICC line. And she left pieces out of the PICC line bandage. They were there when she took it off, I don't know why she didn't feel the need to replace what was there. It just makes her look sloppy, which is humorous, considering how big a deal she was making over my housekeeping. So I don't exactly feel like calling again. I'm just going to tough it out until Tuesday when Steve will be out. Hopefully I can manage without the pump till then. We'll see how it goes. If I can't, well, I suppose I'll break down and call to get help. What's annoying is I don't even feel like I can make a complaint, because every single time I've called the on-call nurse, it's been this woman. So if I complain, and I need to call them after hours again, I'm most likely stuck with someone who won't like me very much.

My nausea is dying down, for the moment. I'm hoping David will get online soon since I slept through him last night and he didn't get back on when he said he would this morning. I don't know what was up with that, except that NO ONE LEAVES HIM ALONE. He's too good at his job, so everyone relies on him for the answers to their problems. It makes talking to him really annoying, because he's constantly interrupted. Grrr. He says after his promotion he's making a Do Not Disturb sign. I told him that was a good idea, because otherwise I was going to find a way to get violent from a distance.

On a final note, these cats need to stop trying to walk on me. I'm more than willing to pet them, but they aren't happy unless they're crawling all over me, which will lead to me barfing all over them. Get online soon honey!

Friday, April 9, 2010

ER Ultrasound Pics

10 weeks, 1 day, going off of measurements, not dates. Baby Mac likes to jump around.

Not much to see, this ultrasound didn't take pictures of the same quality as the one at my OB's office, apparently.

Here you can see the body, head, and arms. On the screen I could see them a lot better, plus legs. And Baby Mac was moving around a lot, so we got good views of everything, just not great pictures. 

I'm planning on taking the Intelligender test when I get back from Cleveland, and I'll probably schedule an ultrasound for video purposes around the same time, maybe a few weeks later.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I'm waiting for Sharon to call me back. I'm going to try to get re-admitted to the hospital. Dr. Ripp's nurse called me back, and said that he doesn't feel comfortable prescribing me more than 3 sprays per day. Unfortunately, that's not enough. So I'm going to tell her I'm still unable to eat, and I'm unable to control my pain with home medication. I don't know what the solution is, but this isn't it. I'm unable to take care of myself, I can barely get out of bed, and I'm out of options. If they're going to make me suffer for the good of the baby then I'm doing it in a hospital. Not being able to live at home poses its own problems, but for heaven's sake, I can't even wear clothes the half the time! Now I'm going to pull on some pants and try to stand them long enough to go get my prescription. The prescription that may not even be covered. Wish me luck.

A normal morning

I woke up, went to the bathroom, walked back into the bedroom, and started vomiting. My upper back has started hurting in a weird, throbbing, über-sensitive way. By weird I mean that it's difficult to describe, not that it's any different from the pain I normally experience in my upper back. I took what amounted to 1 1/2 hits of my Stadol (I'm running low) and it seems to be kicking in now. Because of the vomiting I was having esophageal pain that seems to be getting better with the Stadol too. I'm waiting for Dr. Ripp to call me back about changing my prescription, because I use a lot more than one puff a day, and the prescription needs to be written for more so that TriCare will cover it and, with luck, I could get more at one time so that I'm not calling for refills every 4 days. I'm not in as much pain, and I'm less nauseous, but it makes me sleepy. Maybe I'll try to nap before they call me back. It's a shame I have to fight to have the medicine I need though.

Matters of Health

How I feel continues to vary, from feeling almost normal to being in a lot of pain and vomiting. I wasn't able to eat anything until after 8PM, and prior to that I was throwing up even though I'd eaten nothing. With Carrie's help I managed to get the dogs their shots, which will allow me to kennel them while I'm in Cleveland, if necessary. My flight is booked for 2PM on Tuesday. I intend to use all the assistance I can in the airport, because I cannot afford to be sick and in pain while traveling. I can only hope that the trip will be worth it, despite my trepidation over how things will go. At the very least it will be nice to see my grandparents, so it's impossible for the trip to be a total waste. I can only hope that I get a solution out of it. I keep trying to choose high calorie foods when I'm able to eat, but on days like today what I eat really isn't going to matter. And every day has been like to day for a while now. I know, I'm tired of complaining too, but I really don't have much else to talk about. This is what I do all day, try to manage whatever my body decides to throw at me.

I have another OB appointment on Thursday. They're keeping good tabs on me. At this point though, if we don't come up with something before the end of tax season, I'm going to make a case for admitting me back into the hospital. If things haven't improved by then we're going to have to take steps to make sure that I'm receiving nourishment and, in my opinion, I need to be receiving monitored treatment. We'll see what happens. I haven't lost hope that either of the pain doctors I will see next week will be able to help me.

I have to call TriCare tomorrow. They wouldn't pay for my last prescription of Stadol because it was "too soon." Using it at the maximum allowed dosage it lasts about 4.5 days. I should be able to get my refills after that point, so I'm going to be asking to be reimbursed. I also need to call my doctor for a new prescription, as I'm almost out of the bottle I got on Friday. Sad that I use so much? Yes. But there's nothing for it. If the doctors have a problem with that then they need to come up with something else that works better, don't they? I wish I could write more about the baby and the pregnancy, but at this point it's all related, and I am unable to do anything with my day but be sick.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

9 weeks, 5 days


I have an appointment with Sharon today at 1330. I'm not scheduled for an ultrasound, I assume I'll get one next week, but I'll never turn them down if I can be fit in. I've lost more weight, which isn't going to make Sharon very happy, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm also planning on asking her how far along I should consider myself (the other reason I want an u/s) and whether or not special circumstances can be allowed to let me video my ultrasounds.

David and I talked last night, and he said he'd like me to do the Intelligender, just for fun. In the interest of making him feel more attached to a baby he can't see, I'm willing to spend money on things like that and the private ultrasounds. He won't be able to come to my appointments, or feel the baby move, or watch the baby grow in person. I can only send him pictures and videos, and eventually we can webcam. Speaking of pictures, I need to get around to taking one of me now. I don't have a before pic yet, and already it's becoming noticeable to me. And I want a picture of me in my favorite dress and shoes before they have to retire for a little while. Actually, I'll probably pick up some leggings and continue to wear the dress as a long skirt, but it's short now, and will be even shorter when I have a belly on me. Put them with those shoes and my legs look a mile long though, it's fantastic.

I'm going to add a countdown till my second trimester after I go in today. And for the moment, I'm going to look at ultrasound pictures so I can have a better idea of when I should be going in for a video, and whether I want it to be 2D or 3D considering how early it's going to be.