Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Pain

I really need a full night of rest. That would mean a break from this pain, which is absolutely incessant. Something always hurts. Eating makes me sick 95% of the time. So not only am I hungry all the time because I can't keep anything down, but I hurt more because of all the vomiting.

I weighed in at 161 today. Still 12lbs off of my pre-pregnancy weight, which, let's face it, I'm never going to reach. Ok, I might reach my pre-pregnancy weight, but nowhere close to where I should have been. Not that I'm really complaining about not ballooning. Honestly, dealing with the extra weight I'm already carrying is enough. I just worry about whether Hunter gets enough nourishment. This is a tough enough pregnancy and he's been exposed to meds that in a perfect world he wouldn't have been and I don't want there to be any other reasons for him to be low-birth weight or pre-term. As much as the thought of being pregnant for a day longer than I have to galls me (1.5 weeks until he's viable) I want everything to be perfect for him and it's going to be hard enough for me to take care of a baby without dealing with a premie who could need to be in the NICU. I know that, I tell myself that, but I still want this pregnancy over! I'm so thankful to have my family here. There's my side, who has no other grandchildren and therefore can liberally spend their free time helping me out (and of course, how else would they want to spend their time?), and David's side, where everyone has kids so my resource base is pretty much endless. The in-laws having a nursery will be extremely convenient when my brother has band practice. And my mom is actually changing her work plans so she'll have more time to help me out. Instead of working as an office manager this year she's only putting in as a tax preparer so her hours will be lessened and more flexible and she can take time off to help me move. I think I'm going to be quite spoiled by the time I move back to Colorado. I can only hope by then I'll be pain-free and will be able to expand my friend circle. I miss having Hedy and Kristin around the corner, like I miss having Sarah across the hall. It's a haul to get out here and most of my friends are on tight budgets, so driving out to see me all the time gets expensive.

I'm wondering if it's normal to feel uncomfortable around other people's kids. I'm perfectly alright babysitting, and I was fine working at the daycare, but when the parents are standing right there I feel awkward engaging too much with their children. Even Becca, especially since we aren't around to have gotten to know her very well. I don't know what she likes, if she'll like me, what if I do something Jennie doesn't like? Maybe I'm really just afraid of doing the wrong thing and would prefer not to have witnesses to my mistakes. Hmm. Hopefully I won't be so shy with my own baby.

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