Sleep Trials

Hunter is getting so good at falling asleep on his own. And we never resorted to crying it out. When I put him in his crib, awake, if he starts squalling and doesn't settle down within a couple minutes with a toy or his musical mobile, then I pick him up and we go back and try to rock. But recently he hasn't been interested in rocking, and he squirms a lot and is sometimes pretty fussy. And yet after a little playing in his crib he falls asleep all by himself.

What I find so extraordinary about this is that so much of the reading that I did on sleep training was that if you don't let your baby learn to self soothe you'll be rocking him or her to sleep forever. What seemed more important to me was that my son knew that in his distress I would be there to comfort him. He has never cried himself to sleep. I don't want him to learn that I won't come when he cries, or condition him not to cry because it won't bring mommy. I want him to know that when he needs me I will come, to trust that I will be there for him.

I know there are people on both sides of this fence, and I worried about the criticism that I was going to make Hunter dependent on props, but being loving, comforting, and consoling has accomplished our ultimate goal: he falls asleep on his own. And I'm not scarred for life by letting him cry and not responding. And if he does have a night when he wants to be rocked to sleep, who am I to deny him that? There are days that I want cuddles too. I'm more than happy to rock and cuddle him those nights. There are nights that I don't want to put him down at all, even after he falls asleep. The relationship between parent and child is so special, and I feel like sometimes we get wrapped up in the rest of life and get too rushed with our kids. They are going to grow up and leave us before we know it. Childhood is the practice of leaving mom and dad and standing on your own two feet. So why are we in such a hurry to put our children down? Yes, I do it too. Sometimes things just need to get done. But there are also times that I let him fall asleep in my arms, and hold him until he wakes up again. Because sometimes we both need it.

Homemade Baby Food: The Beginning

Today is Day 1 of homemade baby food, and so far it's been a hit. I picked up a perfectly ripe cantaloupe on Wednesday, and while I probably should have gotten to it a day or two ago, the inside was perfectly fine. I am not a huge fan of cantaloupe, though I can appreciate it enough to eat it, and with David away at NCO school I knew that this one was destined for Hunter's belly. Cantaloupe is extremely easy to puree because it doesn't require any cooking. It is a bit on the watery side, but to counter that I added oatmeal (much preferred in our house to rice cereal) and it fleshed out very well. I have some broccoli in the microwave cooking at the moment, and then it too will meet the food processor. Hunter is very impatiently waiting for it, but he also didn't have a very long afternoon nap today. The cantaloupe will be eaten in the next two days, because it has a very high water content and therefore will not freeze well, whereas the broccoli will be portioned into ice cube trays and frozen. I considered making some blueberries for him, but then I remembered just how easily blueberry sauce stained the clothes of my childhood and decided that I had no wish to try to work similar stains out of baby clothes. And I kind of want to eat them myself. I also bought some bananas today, but I don't feel the need to prepare those in advance. They also make easy travel food, and we are going to the zoo tomorrow.

Broccoli is done! Time to wrap up this post so all I have to do is add pictures.

This is the processed cantaloupe, sans oatmeal.

Hunter not too sure about the broccoli.

So I mixed the broccoli with some carrots that I bought specifically for baby food and forgot about earlier. It tastes good to me, but then I like broccoli. And yes, those would be penguin shaped ice cubes.

Fail

I know, I know, I said I would post videos and I haven't. We have had a crazy couple of weeks, it's hard to justify the time to sit down and write. We have been going through a relapse of sleeping through the night, which is probably related to the fact that my milk supply started drying up, which was really upsetting to me. Not only am I very emotionally attached to breastfeeding, but I couldn't understand why it was happening and my sleep deprivation was starting to reach a hallucinogenic state. Hunter was so fussy at the breast, he would latch and let go over and over and over. Solid food wasn't a problem though. I brought him to the pediatrician who recommended I see the lactation consultant. They gave me a referral. Great. Except I found out the next day that I didn't need a referral and that there were walk ins the afternoon I was already at the hospital for the appointment and apparently pediatrics isn't on the ball about things like that.

So started the cycle of disappointment. This is how women give up on breastfeeding, because my frustration had me crying, moping, and swearing up and down that I was done. I called my doctor. I guess it was lunch hour, so I left a message. That was Thursday. I haven't heard anything. I called three La Leche League numbers. I had to leave messages at all three places, but at least they got back to me within two days. I called and left a message at the Ft. Carson lactation consultant's office. Nothing. Finally, in desperation to just get someone on the phone, I called the WIC lactation consultant, who thankfully was willing to walk me through my issues even though I'm not enrolled in the program. As soon as she heard that I was on Seasonique, she told me, "If you had called yesterday morning I wouldn't have known what to tell you, but I spent all day researching Seasonique and I can tell you that even though the drug company says that it is safe for breastfeeding, it will dry up your milk supply because it is heavy on estrogen." It was my birth control. The whole time it was my birth control. I should rectify my previous statement, it was after this conversation that I called my doctor and left a message stating that I believed my birth control was drying me up and I needed to talk to someone about what to do.

The WIC consultant asked me which was more important to me, breastfeeding or being on birth control, because even if I switched to a progesterone only pill, there was the possibility of it messing with my milk. And I decided that breastfeeding is more important, so I stopped taking the pill. I wish I had a doctor's opinion before I did it, but I felt it required an immediate decision and they didn't get back to me. Since then my milk supply has gotten better and Hunter has started nursing without as much fussing as well. And, just to make me feel better, today at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science, when he was hungry, he would have nothing to do with the bottle, it was boobie or nothing. We are still fighting sleeping through the night issues, but they have improved as well. He even self soothed himself back to sleep once last night (not the second time he woke up though).

Not being able to feed my son made me feel like a failure though. There was something deeply emotionally rooted inside of me that was devastated and after more than a week of trouble I was having serious problems dealing with those feelings. Thank goodness my parents were here for a large part of it, because having extra hands was a huge blessing. We are working through it, and I am gaining my milk supply back, but I understand why many women give up for the same or similar issues. Especially when there is so little helpful information out there. Breastfeeding is a process that extends far beyond the newborn stage, and it is a real shame that there isn't more help out there for the established breastfeeder. Without the help of one woman who happened to have done relevant research the day before, I would still be in the dark. Coincidences are divine.

First night in a crib

We got Hunter a crib today, and it is all set up. We are hoping we will get more sleep this way. He has already woken up once (I am currently nursing him and he fell asleep after about three minutes) or I would be asleep already. I am letting him feed for fifteen minutes while asleep so hopefully he'll sleep longer. Hopefully putting him down will work as well as it did earlier, but he totally unswaddles himself, so his legs are kind of out there now. Oh, and when I went to pick him up fifteen minutes ago he was 180 degrees turned from when I put him down. And after we put him the crib the first time earlier, when he was awake, he manages to get his leg stuck between the slats almost immediately. So Nana and Baba went to Babies R Us and bought a bumper. Now he has his pacifier in and I'm going to give him ten more minutes to really be asleep and then try to put him down and go to sleep myself. I'm hoping I won't be so anxious about him being in a different room that I can't sleep out of fear I won't hear him when he wakes up.

I'm going to swaddle him in another blanket, for a total of two. I'm afraid he's going to get cold without my body heat. Tomorrow I will try to make time to upload my videos. As usual, they will be posted on the day they were taken, but it shouldn't be difficult to find them because I haven't been posting much.

The result of real food

OH my gawd, can we breastfeed Hunter until he's potty trained? These real food diapers are disgusting! Yuck to the hundredth power!

He did, on a positive note, get his foot to his mouth for the first time yesterday. He didn't keep it there long enough for Daddy to see, but I did! He is enamored with his feet. For that matter, so am I.

He has several new nicknames. Pterodactyl, Dinosaur, R2-D2, (because of the sounds he makes) and Drools Verne (who likes everything with sauce, thank you Grandpa Flash). I have videos to post, but that takes time I don't feel like putting into it right now. I prefer breakfast, chores, a wii workout, and then a doctor's appointment. So maybe this evening. Sorry I'm lazy on the computer stuff, but if I put it first then the important stuff doesn't get done.

Oh! He absolutely cannot be in his swing unstrapped in. I know, I know, what was he doing in it without being strapped in in the first place? Well, he never used to go anywhere! He just slid lower! However yesterday morning he tilted forward and wound up on his stomach on the floor. He likes to try to sit up in it, which tilts the whole thing back and looks perilous, and I'm trying to decide if that means he's now too big for it, which would be a shame. He's only 16lbs (according to the Wii fit, where he is a dog, lol)!

A Perfect Day

What a by the book day. I love it when that happens, because the book tends to be the best case scenario. So here's a blow by blow (sorry, this is probably boring for everyone who isn't me).

We woke up around 8:30 after a call from David sometime in the middle of the night (4ish?). Well, I should say we got up then, we were awake and nursing around 8. After that Hunter laid under his activity gym in the bathroom while I bathed. Then he sat in his swing and watched My Baby Can Read while I made my breakfast burrito (made from scratch, ftr). We played until he started getting fussy, around 11:30. So I put him in the car for a little ride, guaranteed to knock him out. He slept for an hour and then we nursed. When he was done, which didn't take long because he's still not all that hungry, following the recent trend, he had some tummy time while I moved the boxes and bags in the living room that weren't books to other rooms so I would have room for the Pack n Play, which I put together. Somewhere in there I had lunch. By 2:30 he was crabby again, so we went for another drive (noticing a trend?) and paid the water bill (still need to go in and complain though, long story). He woke up after forty minutes or so, but was rubbing his eyes like crazy and obviously still tired, so I decided to go to the post office, figuring if he didn't fall asleep I still ran an errand. He was out like a light again though, and it was too busy to just run in, so we went home. And then he slept until 6:30PM. That is a four hour nap! That never happens! I was able to get so much done! He woke up, ate again, and then we hung out until 8:30, when he fell asleep in my arms on the couch. I had been singing songs to him just because I felt like singing and he nodded right off. And that's when I started this blog.

Of course, about forty minutes later he woke up again, and I've been singing to him for the past twenty minutes to no avail, the only hiccup the entire day. So now he's in his swing, and the room is dark, and I'll sing for a little bit more in the hope that he'll fall asleep again there, because I can't keep up this walking and rocking thing, my arms are getting tired. But I expect he'll be asleep soon, and if not in his swing then we'll go for another drive here shortly and that will be that. So I'll even have a couple of hours tonight to do some more housework without sacrificing my sleep. And let me tell you, last night I didn't get nearly as much as I should have, about five hours, maybe less.

I think he'd be asleep by now if he'd just stop pulling the Voldemort out of his mouth. That's usually how it is in the car too. He'll keep taking it out to play with it and when I finally reach back and hold it in his mouth he's out in less than sixty seconds. Hmm, couldn't imagine who he got stubbornness and a desire to keep himself awake from. As long as he's content he can stay awake, but if he starts getting fussy we're loading up.

Making a liar out of me

Of course, what triggered that last blog was that Hunter had woken up. I had rocked him in his car seat for a little bit, then decided to leave him alone long enough to go complain about him waking up. By the time I was done blogging he was asleep again. Figures. :-)